Attempting to multi-task. Failing miserably.

Today, I was supposed to have a day off. A day off for my kids simply means staying at home and NOT going anywhere. As I gave my oldest daughter a bath tonight, I asked,"what was your favorite part of the day?". I had hoped she would say,"making meatballs with you" or "reading such and such a book". What does she say instead? "Being home! And not having to go ANYWHERE!!" *sigh*
Sometimes, I wonder if I pencil in too much for us. I have started working a job that is *technically* only for 3 hours on mondays and fridays, but the fact that we have to walk to it takes the actual time frame to be 5 hours on each day(3 hours of working, plus an hour to walk each way). That takes up much of my energy on those days, so I really try not to do anything else on those said days(lately, though, I have used fridays as library days...). Tuesdays are our only days "off", that is, I do my very best to have NOTHING planned outside of these four walls. Problem is...there is too much to do WITHIN these four walls, that I often use Tuesdays as time to deep clean the house or try to get ahead of cooking and baking for the rest of the week(in theory, anyways). Wednesday afternoons and evenings are spent at church for Calvary Kids(the childrens choir) and Senior Choir(for me). Thursdays are my shopping and go to the librarry for arts and crafts day, Saturdays are supposed to be another day off for us, but since my father has passed, my aunt has taken it upon herself to include me in any and every activity she has planned for a Saturday(which, I wouldn't mind..if they didn't take up our ENTIRE Saturday...), and if she doesn't have something planned, there is something going on at the library that the kids want to go to..
Sundays are Sunday school and church, as well as time I take to look at the sunday paper for deals to stock up on. Which, aside from lack of more free time, brings me to my next point...
I think I want to be an extreme couponer. I keep seeing these people online getting items for next to nothing, free, or something close to one or the other, and I can't help but think..why can't I do that? Why shouldn't I do that? I'm broke, and I need to save money. I need to start stockpiling, so that when I do move(to Idaho) the last thing on my mind will be where on earth is the nearest corner store to buy some toliet paper??
Oh, and speaking of Idaho/moving, my stepmother has decided she is going to move to Florida after the hosue forecloses. But she does not want Dad's dog. So I told her I would take the dog when the time comes. Problem is, that should be in the next few months(most likely by the end of this year). So..that nice little of idea of moving come early summer has now been set early to...possibly this winter. *GULP*
On top of that, I currently do not have a car. Nor do I have any money saved up to get there. Both of which are my fault, I know. God is providing the money(thanks again, God!). Now, I have to buckle down and save the majority of it in order to make something towards this move to Idaho.
Plus, my kids are fighting like crazy. Not so much these past few days, but it happens more and more with each day. I think it has something to do with all the craziness in our lives(maybe?!) but either way, it is driving me insane, and at the same time breaking my heart. I pray God will give me a way to work on this with them.
Pretty soon, I fear something is going to give. I feel like we are doing too much and I will soon cut ties with the world as we currently know it. No, nothing radical, just give up activities.
I know some of these glorify God(like choir practice and going to church). But, if I may share this secret...I feel like I don't fully belong in choir. I love to sing, and I know I can sing, but...I can't read music. At first, the old music directors sensed this, and either they were okay with it or were used to just talking little to no "music language"..I don't know. But the new music director keeps talking "music", and I freak out. I feel like I am taking advanced spanish all over again in highschool. He may as well be talking german, I have no idea what he is saying half the time. And, the other day, I wanted to cry. He didn't yell at me or anything(just the opposite, this guy is sweet as molasses!) but he kept saying, "I need to hear you, altos(which, by the way, I haad no clue I was an alto until he pointed in the general direction I was sitting and said,"altos!")!" and, really, it is just me and another woman who sings alto. She knows music and sings loud enough for everyone to hear, but I am so afraid of messing up, I lower my voice or wait until I have heard the tune long enough to start singing. I keep thinking, God wouldn't ask me to do it if He didn't think I could, but...I am flopping hard in choir. I don't know how many times thus far I have messed up. And I do love singing praise to God, really I do, and the songs they are use are beautiful. But I am starting to think I am being more of a burden to the choir than a blessing. It seems like every time I feel semi-comfortable in it, *BAM!* I mess up, and everyone is just too nice to say anything about it.
On another note..my extreme couponing. Why do people spend so much time doing it? I will never know. Especially when they have kids! I can barely make time to homeschool more than 3 days solid a week, and to attempt to do extreme couponing...my head is dizzy from the thought! I feel like I am wasting God's blessing of finances and resources if I don't start it. But, I simply do not have the time nor patience to do 20 hours a week to looking through circulars and clipping coupons! I mean, come on! My kids are doing World War 3 every week! My house is a mess, I don't spend nearly as much time with my neighbors as I used to, fellowshiping with them, and just being a good friend. My kids need me more than they need stuff. I keep saying to them, "we do this so we won't have to do this soon" but I keep thinking...when will it end? And I didn't even start EXTREMELY extreme couponing, shucks, I am just testing the waters and feel like I'm drowning in ankle deep waters! ugh!
One last thing(I think..)...why do I keep thinking about a husband? I can barely make time for my kids, and I am sitting here, daydreaming(when I should be clipping coupons!) about a husband I don't even have! Maybe it is a coping mechanism...as in, I think that once I have my husband, things will be a little more easier on me as a parent, child of God, etc. Even though I know that is not 100% true. But I do keep seeing friends of mine who are married and they keep complaining about their spouse, and I think to myself, "how on earth can they complain!?". Of course, I do not know every situation, only what is told to me, but...I just can't imagine having a husband and complaining about him. I pray that I never get into that mindset. In fact, just as I was getting out of the shower earlier, I thought, anytime that I think I may complain about my husband, I pray that God will remind of this time, the time I didn't have a husband but wanted one with all my heart and soul, and instead praise God for him, flaws and all. After all, I know I am not perfect, so why should I expect my husband to be?
Oh, and God has continued to put writing on my heart.For some time, He keeps whispering,"childrens historical fiction". Please keep in mind that while I like learning history with my kids, I myself have never thought of having a "love " of it. I mean, you know, some people are passionate about a subject in school. I was never really passionate about history. It was almost always writing. Or Science(before they tied it into math, anyways). Anyways, on top of all this, God keeps whispering to me to start it, to do it, and I can't seem to get the swift kick in the butt needed to even get started. I have the ideas, but not enough research of historcial time referrences, a degree would be nice, etc....
This is why I am wondering why I am doing all this. I feel like I am running in circles, with no end in sight. Its just one busy activity after another. Going, going, going, but not really stopping for time to enjoy the view or the people. Which is so funny, because a few years ago, I would given anything to be this busy and active. I thought being "super mom" meant running around to fun activites with the kids, doing it all. But the more I do, the more frustrated I get...the more exausted I get. Well, at least come winter time, I will be able toslow down a bit. I am sure my aunt wont be attempting to come over here while the weather is cold and snowy, and I won't feel like attempting to bear the elements for all this comotion. No way!
Regardless, I am going to thank God for the craziness. Thank you, God, for the craziness. I don't understand it, but You orcastrate it, and grant me the energy and mindset to do it. That is good enough for me. As long as You are steering ship, then who am I to tell you which direction to go? Give me the grace to know when to let go,and allow You to take rein. Even now, I see I am failing on my own efforts. Help me to use Yours instead. Thank you, Lord for all the insanity in my life, because it makes  Your ways seem all the more wonderful to me. Help me to see You in all this. Continue to guide me and work within me. Amen. 

God is still working miracles in my life!

Today, I wanted so bad to get mad about what I posted yesterday. My flesh still wanted to be mad.
But my spirit was already looking at it in a differnt light last night. And, as I awoke today, I did not see the things mentioned as an "issue" but rather as another oppertunity to serve God(through my children). I chose not to be mad still, or rather, God was working within me to not allow this "problem" to continue into sin. Phillippians 4:8 comes to mind, as I type and listen to Joyce Myer. At the end of last night, I chose not to think of the things that upset me, but rather, about the things that God has already done in my life. And guess what?! IT WORKED!!
Today seemed so much better. I got very little work done, but I attempted to work nonetheless. And even through my half-hearted attempt, God is still working miracles that could only be His touch in my family's life.
First off, I called my parents and told them I wasn't going to church because my tummy hurt. That wasn't entirely false, my tummy did hurt...but not really enough to not go to  church at the time. But, oh how glad I was that I did stay home! Two hours later, I felt the impact of my tummy pangs, and...well, let's just say it wasn't pretty.
Okay, so, I probably shouldn't of mentioned that..but,oh,well. I said it.
Anyways, at first, I felt bad. My stemother called to see if everything was okay, and she thought that I was mad at them about something( I was..for a little bit last night). I told her no, and I'm glad I did. She then told me that she was going to go back to the salvation army, and if their van service didn't run out to my house, that her and dad would still pick me up. She also mentioned some volunteer oppertunities(Which is something that ahs been on my heart for awhile to do, and the kids have asked about it more lately), so even through something that I at first was upset about turned out to be a blessing instead. If they do offer the van service, I might just go anyways. I was being selfish with my thoughts. And Emily even mentioned that they need help with the children's ministry..maybe that's why God has put children as my ministry..who knows? Either way, I hav efound a great resource for children's ministry(regardless of if I do it at home with my own kids or in a larger setting,) that is completely FREE(well, you have to buy the supplies, but still..the lessons are FREE, and I like free!). Blessings in disguise! Praise God!!!!
And then, my neighbor came over and asked me to watch her son on turesday..PRAISE GOD!!! That means additional money for our homeschool(or...the bills! ). My aunt also asked me to watch her kids again this week..PRAISE THE LORD!  Another blessing!
And just when I think God is done, oh,no when HE blessses, His Blessings overflow...
TWO people signed up for my online Avon website. I have yet to check, but as of right now ONE has already placed an order...THANK YOU, GOD!!! and the otehr said that she was going to order last night..I jsut ahven't check yet, but I'm praising God for her, anyways! On top of THAT I got someone who asked me to mail them a catalog,a nd asked if they could share it...potentially TWO additional customers!!! GOD IS GOOD!!! ALSO, my stepmother and father called and put in tehir orders for the upcoming campaign..PRAISE THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!!!
Lastly, God has blessed me with an order from my neighbor this past campaign!!!
I just can't say it enough...THANK YOU, GOD!!!
Even when I think God isn't paying me any mind, he ends up suprizing me WITH A SHOWER OF BLESSINGS!!
God is just too good to my family! We did nothing to deserve His endless mercy and grace, and yet, He keeps pouring it out to us, anyways! 
I'd better get going. I jsut had to put in a praise report so that I can continue to remember God's goodness, even when I have my 'moments' in the flesh. I'd better get going.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY, FOREVER!!

I can't help but thank God for all of this.

Hypocrites,hypocrites,everywhere!

Just when I think things are starting to get somewhat in order...hypocrites in my very own family prevail!
I'm not even sure of where this all came from. Really, I don't.
It all started with my aunt..first she calls to complain( a normal habit that I normally ignore), but this time...it was my dad she was complaining about. At first, I had to side with my father on the issue. She expected my dad to pick up her son, and take him to my house, and drive back home. My dad isn't made of money, that he can sit there and waste gas like that! I thought. I know I'd be fuming,too(like my dad),especially since she sprung this up all last minute on him. But, I thought...isn't that family is supposed to do? My aunt needs help(even though I don't completely agree with the need of babysitting for a bunch of teenagers), and she's asking family. Family is supposed to pull through, right? Well, my dad did do it, but he said he wasn't going to do it next week for her. She was upset, because now she feels like her family doesn't care, or is available to help out at times like these. I totally understood the feeling.
But, I listened, and then I hung up. I try not to get in the middle of these sort of things. It makes me feel divided, and I hate to choose sides with family.
Now, my dilemma. A week ago, my stepmother decided that she was going to switch churches. SHe wanted to go to the same one  as my aunt. I said I was getting frustrated with the Jehova's Witness church(KIngdom Hall), and we both agreed that we should switch churches. We also agreed that they(my parents) were going to pick me up from now on, and we were all going to go to church as one big happy family. Okay, that last part was added by me. But, last week was very nice. We went to the church, I even treated them to Wendy's..it was all so nice. But, for reasons unknown to me, my dad called me just now, and said, "you know they have a van,right? Let them pick you up next week, and we're going to Salvation Army. We'll pick you up tomorrow,though. But, after that you can use the van." First off, I'mnot trying to say that I'm higher than thou or anything, but...I hate using church vans. I used to do it as a kid, and I always felt odd about it. Now that I have kids, I wouldn't DARE try the van thing. Who knows what the heck is in those things? What if someone's sick, and gets on...UGH. I just do NOT like the thought of church vans.
And my dad..I'm not sure of what to think. I think both my aunt and my dad are peeved at eachother, and now they're both taking it out on me(in their own ways). I will call the van, but if they don't offer it in my area(which is often the case), then I have to tell the kids we can't go. And they're going to be mad at me, and I'm going to be mad at dad...
I hate the things that ALWAYS seem to happen at the end of the summer with my family. Now I understand why God told me to move at the time that he did. ARRRHGGGGGHHHH. Why didn't I listen?!
On top of all this, I'm trying to break up with the JW's. I largely did this because I thought that my parents were going to make the way for us to go to church. And now this...
So, now I have to break up with the JW's, and I have no means of us to go to a church. GREAT, JUST FREAKIN' GREAT!!! Grrrrr.....
I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about ALL of this....that somehow, family relationships are going to be strained. I hate it when these happens....
I'd better go. I jsut thought that I would vent out some frustrations. Who knew going to church would be this..upsetting? God, I wish you would bless me with a vehicle already!!
I'd better get going.

Dating? Don't think so!

I'm not sure if I had mentioned this in my last posting, but apparently, "caring" friends and family are surrounding me with the thought/idea that I should be dating.
This is from the same people who, once I do attempt to date, say that I should NOT be dating, because, well, then I'm..not available.
Okay, so..normally, I would be thankful that I have people that are concerned to the point of not wanting me to be the old lady with 50 cats running around in her house(not that I could have them, living in an apartment that doesn't allow such pets). But, for the first ever in my life...I'm actually content being single. No, I really don't want to date. Seriously!
I guess it has a lot to do with me taking time to learn more about and appreciate God. The whole family is doing it! I just don't feel that "loneliness" that I used to for so long. I'm finally content with not having to share my king sized bed with some farting, not-as-attractive after they got naked guy. I'm content with not having to limit my choice of "what's for dinner?" because my boyfriend doesn't like such-and-such or doesn't eat..whatever they don't eat. And, dare I say, I rather enjoy NOT having to shave my legs as often, because no one is touching them(except my kids, but they really don't care)!!!
Does this mean I'm "doomed to be single for the rest of my life? That I'm actually one of "those people" who willingly want to be single for the rest of their life to glorify God? Simply put...NO!
I desire nothing more than to have a HUSBAND to share and relate with. To love, and be loved in return. I'm only human, after all, and as a human, "it is not right for man(or woman) to be alone" so says God in Genesis.
But is dating and the thought of being single haunting me like the plague? No. God is working in my life, I see that with each day. I'm not saying I don't have moments when I feel lonely. I do. But, they don't bother me like they did a year ago. I have my family more grounded in scripture, and in doing so, I have learn to be okay with this time to be single. I'm at the point now, where I'm downright thankful for it.
The other day, my friend tried to play 'matchmaker' and..let's just say, it went TERRIBLE! I guess, too, after all the bad ones I've dealt with, I'm more willing to stick to guns about what I prefer. And the only thing he had going in his favor was that he was white (and I prefer white men). We talked, he was nice and all, but I knew from the get-go that it was not a match made by God.
Do you know what I wish, sometimes? I really wish the man God has made out to be my husband would just "bump into me" one day, and we'd do one date, and he'd propose. And we'd live happily ever after(or something like that)...the end. BUT, since we live in the 'real world' and that sort of stuff doesn't happen much anymore...I'm just being content being single.
I'm not saying that I will never,ever,date a man again. I'm just saying...that at this point and time in my life, it's just not a top priority in my life. It's at the bottom of my list. Right after 'becoming a billionaire' . LOL
I just have too much stuff going on in my life right now. I'm trying so hard to get it all right(and get it right with God), that I'm a bit afraid of dating. I'm doing a home-based business. I'm officially homeschooling my kids, starting next month. I'm trying to get some sort of better education for myself(thinking of a certificate in medical coding, at the moment). I'm trying to find a church that doesn't weird me out(just got out of a Jehovah's Witness Church...if anyone has been to one and left, then you know what I mean). I'm trying to move to Idaho. There is just too much going on right now to add a potential relationship on the list!
And I'm quite okay with that. Really, I am. As I collapse onto my king-sized bed each night, exhausted, I can't help but thank God for this time to be single. I can't help but thank God for this time to do things His way, without having to answer to a 'boyfriend'. I'm glad I can use this time to perfect(or start to learn) my homemaking skills, what I want out of life(with or without a spouse), and I can reflect on how best to give God the glory each day.
Dating? Not for me, not anytime soon!

I'm jumping in with both feet..part 1

Okay, so..I'm not sure if I ahve posted this in here or not. I know I have said this countless times on facebook, to family and friends via every other method, but..I thought I'd post it here,too.
This year, I'm officially homeschooling.
I'm terrified out of my mind. I mean, no one I know does this...NO ONE!! I know a lot of moms who dream about doing it, but they always say the common excuse.." I'm afraid they (the child) won't be socialized..". Or, they are single mothers who simply think they can't do it.
I just ordered the material for the kids...I'm waiting for it to arrive in the mail. After nulling it over for several months(the curriculum, not homeschooling..I've had this on my heart for over 2 years), I have finally decided on one that I think has the same objectives that I would put if I made one myself. I'm scared, but at the same time, excited.
Actually, now that I think about it, I'm making a lot of changes this year. I have decided to remain single for the next two years( unless God has other plans..), I have decided to move to Idaho when I get the available funds to do so, I am homeschooling, I am eating healthy(now if I could just actually exersize..), I am trying to make more things from scratch, and I'm trying to do a home-based buisness, as well as eliminate my debt. Did I mention I'm NOT married...???
Anyways, God is providing ways for us to earn money. As always, He's good to our family as long as we are working hard and not eating "idle bread".
I know I covered in small bits, a lot of what's going on in our family right now. I'm glad we had the summer we have so far, because I have learned a lot more than I thought possible. I have found some areas I need to work on, and God is blessing our family with more things as we continue to work hard for His glory. Does this blog seem scattered? It's probably my mind...
I have so much to cover, and so little time to tell it all. It's like I'm talking to a good friend that I haven't talked to "in forever" and I'm trying to play cath-up while realizing all the things I still have yet to do. I just realized, I have more things to do!!
I'd better get going. I'll write more later this week...as long as I make the time to do so.

Submit to your husband...?

Well, this is another one to go under the rant and rave category.
Lately, I've read several articles and magazine, from 'christian' SAHM's, their husbands, authors, etc. I see a re-occuring trend..the all-too-often quoted Bible verse that says, "Wives, submit to your husbands..". I see that this is a very poular trend. Submit, submit, submit. Okay, enough of that,already...
But why is it that I don't see the rest of the passage there? I've double checked, and in NONE of the blogs/websites/articles, do they mention the rest.
The rest says, "and husbands, love and care for your wives, just as Christ did for the church" or something to that effect. It also mentions the role that children play..but that's another blog entry, for another day.
Why is it that all these 'christian' places focus on is the wife being submissive? what about the husband's role as treating her fairly and like a queen?(okay, that part was my own words, but I know from song of songs that if a man is to treat his wife as anything, he should be looking into that book of the Bible- Solomon was very devouted to his wife!)
I'm just a lil..(okay a LOT) peeve'd at the fact that since men run the church(not that I'm saying that's entirely wrong, to a fault), they have used and abused this passage for reasons to be dominate over their wives...and sometimes, abusive. Why on Earth would they only focus on one half of the equation?
So, I get it...wives are supposed to submit. But husbands are supposed to exalt her, and care for her and polish her up, and make her sparkly(once again, my own words-based on this particular Bible verse). Is wife rebellion more common than husband abuse? I don't have research, but I'm almost certain that's not the case. I'm almost certain that husbands have more of a problem using and in some cases abusing their dominance in a marraige.
I do wish that more of these "quiverfull" and other conservative christians would make it more of a point to draw attention to the entire verse, not just a fractionof it. When God blesses me as a husband, I pray that he is not a man that focuses solely on one fraction of the verse, but the entire thing.
If God is calling me to have more children and all that, I'll do it. But I'm not going to only pay attention to a fraction of a verse simply because that's what everyone else in the 'conservative' christian world is doing. If God does bless me with some sort of ministry, I want to bring up this valid point up as much as the churches will allow me, and more.
I'm just not feeling kosher with the idea that all that passage is used for is simply to make wives be 'submissive' and nothing more. While husbands are sittingon high and mighty throwns, having the last say about everything...screw that!!
If ANY man thinks I'm going to be one of those quiet, simple wives that blindly follow whatever they say...think again, buddy!! that AIN'T me.
God has some work to do with this wild spirit formely known as me...hehehe.
I'd better go.

If I had a millon dollars, part two

Okay, after thinking this over some more, I have found out that I have left out some very important things I wanted to do when I win a millon dollars.
Hopefully, this is the last of the reversions of the list..
Helping others-
I would put $100,000 to tithing to churches and ministries. I would put another $100,000 towards building a new 4/5 star daycare near career link, one that is open 24/7. I would give $300 to each of the following people: Rose, Fanny, Nicole and Natasha's mom, Jeaneke and Taj, the nice lady in apartment #114, the neighbor up the road who gave us green beans and a ride or two, the neighbors who used to let us go through their yard in order to take the bus(2 of them), to Mrs. Colamarino, and I would give Gary from Career Link $500, because he believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. Lastly, I would use $700 or less to hire some moving guys and pack up and move all the old furniture and house supplies from this apartment, and take them/unload them at goodwill.

Helping extended family-
I would give $10,000 to each of the families- dad/emily, aunt Jon Ann, and Jodi/Al(total $30,000). Lastly, I would put aside $14,000($2,000 per child) for nieces and knewphews and cousins(jodi's kids and aunt Jon ann's kids) into a college fund.

Helping the Kids/Me/Buisness-
I would $75,000 to buying the house and land in White Bird, Idaho. I would use $300,000 towards building the Duggar-style home(with my improvements). I would use $700 to move(since I wouldn't be taking anything with me, I'd probably just take me and the kids and take the bus). I would use $20,000 towards buying new furniture and household supplies, since I gave everything I owned in PA to Goodwill. Once I got to Idaho, I would go and use $50,000 towards buying a 2010 chevy suburban, and 5 years worth of car insurance. I would put $20,000 towards paying off all debts, $100,000 towards farming buisness and supplies, $90,000 for Children's college fund, $15,000 for me to finish college/training( would like to get some training in Agricultural, Cosmotology, Writting, and Buisness). I would also use $15,000 towards homeschool supplies. I would put aside $36,000 so that I could have 1 year's worth of income to pay bills,etc. until I'm able to profit from my farming and daycare,etc. Lastly, I would put aside about $800-$1000(depending on what's left over) to have fun with- go on a shopping spree, get everyone's hair done, etc.

Helping Future Generations-
I would put $28,000 into a high intrest savings account(depending on the overall cost of everything else..the range must be between $20,000-$28,000.)
That is what I would spend a millon dollars on. Yipee!!
Hopefully, I won't think of anything else to spend/save this money on...
I did figure, however, if God ever blesses me with more(like, 2 million or higher at one time), then I would probably put the remaming towards building the daycare better, or having more locations. And maybe I'd open up some book stores, and churches,or something. And also, to offer a nation-wide training program of some kind, to help increase the economy.
Save some, and offer the rest towards Churches and minitries. That would be about it. I don't need millons of millons of dollars. I would just absolutely need one millon. Anything after that would just be put aside(for future generations), or used for buisness purposes.
That's it. I'm done.