This past weekend, it seems as though I haven't learned my lesson about allowing God to lead instead of me.
I practically freaked out about my electric bill not being paid. Okay, I DID freak out about my elec tric bill not being paid. I had everything all set for doing a yard sale, thinking God will surely see that I'm trying to do good and bless this yard sale..right? WRONG!
It's like I was taking the lead, and just expecting God to bless me with my adventure. Like, "okay, God, I'm going to put you on the backburner for a minute...I'm going to focus all my energy into this yard sale, forgo my Bible studies, and my homeschooling, and my tithing...and guess what? All you have to do is bless me!" What a fool I was.
Then, finaly, on Monday, I rebuked the devil that was causing me stress and worry, and, despite the fact that I wasn't sure as to how, I praised God because, I knew somehow,someway, HE was going to do this, but in HIS time, not when it's convient for me.
So, I felt as though God was telling me to put my old gaming systems up for sale. I did that online, plus my daughters old coats. I a..
Okay, that was weird. I don't know why, but my computer just made a noise like the sound of thunder...i thought it was my IM, saying someone was on, but, no. Huh..how strange.
Anyways, so also, that morning, I finally gave God my tithe. I named the seed, prayed over it, and sent it out. Then I posted the stuff on craigs list.
Well, i at first, I had a response for the yard sale that I held the day before. It was from a woman looking for two particular items, which, of course, I do not have. I replied, and she sent me another message, thanking me for returning her e-mail, and said something like- "I hope you were successful in the yard sale, and that your family will be blessed by the move".
Wow..that was jsut what I needed to hear. "...He(God) knows the heart..."-that's a BIble verse, in psalms, I believe. How did God know that, although I haven't spoken or prayed to Him about it, to send someone to say the reassuring words that I needed to hear? because , He's GOD!!
I thanked her and prayed that God would bless her family for her small, but blessed statement.
No soonere after that, I got a response for the games, and someone was willing to pay $50 for all of them! Wow! Glory to God, that's all I can say..!!!
He not only responded to the post, but asked if he could pick up the stuff at 6pm that night!! Praise GOD!! I couldn't of asked for anything better! I couldn't stop praising God...
Now, I'm excited, because I'm anxiously awaiting for God to deliver to me(somehow) the remaining amount, so that, I can pay my electric bill. Either that, or find me a way to futher extend the time frame to pay it..
But, I'm praising God and God alone, because I know, that it's HIS time, and not mine. Oh, I"m so excited!!! THANK YOU, GOD!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Reliance on God and God alone, part..2(?)...
I have come to the realization that friends and money just don't mix. Never should, never will(at least inmy life..)
This is the second time I hae relied on a close friend(or what I thought to be a close friend) to help me out finacially...by allowing me to do a yard sale at her house to earn money. All she had to do was let me put my stuff down, and she was doing a yard sale, too! I was going to give her and her husband some money,because I know, we all need some, and plus, how nice of her to do this,right?
Yeah...that was until she found out that she needed a permit in order to do it...and you get a fine($50) if they catch you without one. Even though she was going to make more than $50 at the yard sale, even though I was going to give her and her husband close to that amount...she canceled it at the last minute.
Did I mention my electric, which runs everything from the fridge to my stove, is getting ready to get cut off on Monday, and that our cupboards are almost bare, and that she knows all this, and, despite all that, is not allowing the yard sale,anyways? Some friend!
This is the third time I expected someone that I considered a close friend to help me out, only to get fucked in the end.
Sorry to use such language, but that's the only way I can say it with enough meaning for you to get it.
Last night, I nearly bawled my eyes out. But then, I had an idea...drop the kids off at my parents, and join the bunny ranch...and the more I thought about that thought, the more I realized, this is from the devil. God would never put something like that in my head, and if this friendship was blessed by God, this wouldn't be happening. Apparently, just another sign that I can only rely onGod, and the moment I try to trust someone to help,even in a small way, financially, it only leads to destruction. Of a friendship, of potential,whatever the case is...destruction.
So, another lesson I didn't need to learn. Another lesson I thought I already learned, but apparently I did not. Another hard dose of reality. Ugh.
So, I decided to let the yard sale happen at my house tommorrow. That's all I can do. Just pray that this time, it will be blessed by GOd, and that I will get enough money to do all that needs to be done. Please God, don't let me down today. Please God, You're all I have left. Please God, I'm relying only on you this time...please don't allow me to fail.
I'm relying only on God. Even when I'm not sure if He sees the pain I'm in, I'm going to do my best and trust in Him alone.
Let's pray that this yard sale will be blessed by God, and that I can get all this stuff sold tommorrow...so that I can get the money needed to bless some ministries, and pay the bills.
Because God doesn't want to see me fail...right?
This is the second time I hae relied on a close friend(or what I thought to be a close friend) to help me out finacially...by allowing me to do a yard sale at her house to earn money. All she had to do was let me put my stuff down, and she was doing a yard sale, too! I was going to give her and her husband some money,because I know, we all need some, and plus, how nice of her to do this,right?
Yeah...that was until she found out that she needed a permit in order to do it...and you get a fine($50) if they catch you without one. Even though she was going to make more than $50 at the yard sale, even though I was going to give her and her husband close to that amount...she canceled it at the last minute.
Did I mention my electric, which runs everything from the fridge to my stove, is getting ready to get cut off on Monday, and that our cupboards are almost bare, and that she knows all this, and, despite all that, is not allowing the yard sale,anyways? Some friend!
This is the third time I expected someone that I considered a close friend to help me out, only to get fucked in the end.
Sorry to use such language, but that's the only way I can say it with enough meaning for you to get it.
Last night, I nearly bawled my eyes out. But then, I had an idea...drop the kids off at my parents, and join the bunny ranch...and the more I thought about that thought, the more I realized, this is from the devil. God would never put something like that in my head, and if this friendship was blessed by God, this wouldn't be happening. Apparently, just another sign that I can only rely onGod, and the moment I try to trust someone to help,even in a small way, financially, it only leads to destruction. Of a friendship, of potential,whatever the case is...destruction.
So, another lesson I didn't need to learn. Another lesson I thought I already learned, but apparently I did not. Another hard dose of reality. Ugh.
So, I decided to let the yard sale happen at my house tommorrow. That's all I can do. Just pray that this time, it will be blessed by GOd, and that I will get enough money to do all that needs to be done. Please God, don't let me down today. Please God, You're all I have left. Please God, I'm relying only on you this time...please don't allow me to fail.
I'm relying only on God. Even when I'm not sure if He sees the pain I'm in, I'm going to do my best and trust in Him alone.
Let's pray that this yard sale will be blessed by God, and that I can get all this stuff sold tommorrow...so that I can get the money needed to bless some ministries, and pay the bills.
Because God doesn't want to see me fail...right?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Feeling the need to vent..part 1
okay, so things in general suck majorly right now. My electric bill is due on the 29th, or else they will be turning off my service. The wonderful online college that I thought I was going into ASAP? their not so great right now, and it's been over a month since I paid them my hard earned cash in thought of returning back only to be held back from returning because everyone at the school is a douche bag. They aren't getting anything right, and for once, I'm doing what they're asking me to do. Now, they're asking me to do more, and I couldn't be more pissed. I never had to work this hard for financial aid in all my life! Why such the run-around? I couldn't be more pissed.
And, I'm off of welfare. At first, I thought that was a blessing from God, but now, it seems to be hurting my family even more. yes, we have food to eat, but we're running low, and if we don't get some sort of decent food in this house by next week, we will be completely out of food(aside from the canned things).
I need money to pay my bills, and I need food to feed my kids. Just when I think that GOd is going to bless me, I get all this, a snowball effect of crap. I couldn't be more pissed.
I'm trying not to tell anyone about this recent turn of events. Because, I'm trying to have faith that GOd is going to supply for my family. But, right at this very moment, after getting an e-mail from the college saying they need MORE things from me, I'm on the verge of tears. I'm holding it bakc as we speak.
My phone's off, the cable and the internet are shortly following suite, and my electric is on the verge of being terminated! I have no health insurance, I'm not even sure how on earth I'm going to pay my rent for this month, and we're running out of food.
I thought the blessing of God were underway,after all, I was doing all that I could. I know, I'm going to have to keep jumping through hoops in order to get my financial aid. I really need to finsish college, I'm soo close to getting an associates degree. But, why would I stop jumping through hoops with welfare, only to have to jump through hoops with financial aid? This is very upsetting for me right now. It seems like, I'm on the very edge of something good, but I'm not getting any indications of it, and I'm becoming dispaired. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm going to get going. I'm going to try to read my Bible, hoping that God will give me some reassuring words of comfort or something. I'm about to lose my mind, and I'm not sure if I can do that anymore. I've lost so much of it as it is, trying to be with Robert sr. and overall in these past several years, that I'm not even sure I have any more to lose.
All I know is, God, if you're listening, do something!
And, I'm off of welfare. At first, I thought that was a blessing from God, but now, it seems to be hurting my family even more. yes, we have food to eat, but we're running low, and if we don't get some sort of decent food in this house by next week, we will be completely out of food(aside from the canned things).
I need money to pay my bills, and I need food to feed my kids. Just when I think that GOd is going to bless me, I get all this, a snowball effect of crap. I couldn't be more pissed.
I'm trying not to tell anyone about this recent turn of events. Because, I'm trying to have faith that GOd is going to supply for my family. But, right at this very moment, after getting an e-mail from the college saying they need MORE things from me, I'm on the verge of tears. I'm holding it bakc as we speak.
My phone's off, the cable and the internet are shortly following suite, and my electric is on the verge of being terminated! I have no health insurance, I'm not even sure how on earth I'm going to pay my rent for this month, and we're running out of food.
I thought the blessing of God were underway,after all, I was doing all that I could. I know, I'm going to have to keep jumping through hoops in order to get my financial aid. I really need to finsish college, I'm soo close to getting an associates degree. But, why would I stop jumping through hoops with welfare, only to have to jump through hoops with financial aid? This is very upsetting for me right now. It seems like, I'm on the very edge of something good, but I'm not getting any indications of it, and I'm becoming dispaired. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm going to get going. I'm going to try to read my Bible, hoping that God will give me some reassuring words of comfort or something. I'm about to lose my mind, and I'm not sure if I can do that anymore. I've lost so much of it as it is, trying to be with Robert sr. and overall in these past several years, that I'm not even sure I have any more to lose.
All I know is, God, if you're listening, do something!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
really mad, I need a nap
I'm just wondering..I have three kids..and during my period, I'm not the greatest mom. Should I really have more kids? I'm not even sure if I'm raising the ones i already have somewhat right!
I just saw this thing on the internet. It was talking about the families with the large kids, and how not everything is peachy-keen. That sort-of alarmed me. I know things can't be as great for everyone that has a bunch of kids, but it really got me thinking...am i really the kind of woman that could be a reproducing machine? I don't mean to say it like that, but I'm wondering if i can really handle all the stress and patience that the women who do this display. I'm not sure if I can be that sort of woman. I have a lot of things I'm still working on, so I guess now is probably not the time to dwell on these things. But, I can't help it. I'm becoming doubtful of things i thought so highly of before. I hate the internet. Honestly, I need a nap. I'm tired, I only got, like, 4 hours of sleep last night. I want to sleep for the rest of the day. But, the kids don't seem to think this is such a great idea. I'm going to take a nap in about 5 more minutes. Screw that.
I'm mad and I want a nap. Now!
I just saw this thing on the internet. It was talking about the families with the large kids, and how not everything is peachy-keen. That sort-of alarmed me. I know things can't be as great for everyone that has a bunch of kids, but it really got me thinking...am i really the kind of woman that could be a reproducing machine? I don't mean to say it like that, but I'm wondering if i can really handle all the stress and patience that the women who do this display. I'm not sure if I can be that sort of woman. I have a lot of things I'm still working on, so I guess now is probably not the time to dwell on these things. But, I can't help it. I'm becoming doubtful of things i thought so highly of before. I hate the internet. Honestly, I need a nap. I'm tired, I only got, like, 4 hours of sleep last night. I want to sleep for the rest of the day. But, the kids don't seem to think this is such a great idea. I'm going to take a nap in about 5 more minutes. Screw that.
I'm mad and I want a nap. Now!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
rainy day thoughts...
Okay, so it's raining...again. Two days of wetness,yukiness. Ugh! I know once I get the land, I'll aprreciate the rain more, but now, I'm just like...ugh. I dislike the rain, because the kids want to go out and play(or,rather, I want to go outside and let them play) and they can't. We're going to be stuck inside the house, according to weather channel, for the next several days...there goes the weekend!
Lorenzo contacted me via IM. He had to work a double(not mad anymore). Robert sr. attempted to call me AGAIN last night, like, a half hour later(still fuming at him). But, I'm not going to focus on it. I'm trying soo hard not to be mad. I need to just avoid Robert Sr. at all cost. No matter what I say or do, I just see red whenever I talk or receive a letter from him. And I hate to be mad at anyone...I'm not very good at it. I was, for the most part, always the person to befriend everyone. But, that also came with some not nice characteristics and not so nice people. You live and learn.
Okay, so...why do I bother even talking to Robert? Why did I even answer the phone? I don't know. The first time, I actually hung up intentionally. But, just like him, he called back. And even after I cursed him out, he called back again. I'm just going to do like I said, and avoid him at all cost. It shouldn't be hard...he IS in jail, after all. He's not coming out anytime soon, that is, if he does come out to US soil, anyways. Doesn't matter-even if he's released, we'll be gone by that time. He doesn't deserve to be in the babies lives.
Okay, from now on, I'm not even going to talk to him. I'm not even going to mention him anymore.At all! He doesn't exist. Period.
Well, I'm getting off track...the rain. yes, the rain. Ugh,the rain. We have to stay in. IT's windy and rainy and I'm not eating. I just don't feel like eating,does that make any sense? I thought I was always hungry. But, really, I'm not. I'm not stressed(even about the dissappointing men in my life), I'm just...not hungry. I dunno. I'm not going to dwell on it.
Well, I guess I'd better go. I really don't have anything else to say.
Mama J
Lorenzo contacted me via IM. He had to work a double(not mad anymore). Robert sr. attempted to call me AGAIN last night, like, a half hour later(still fuming at him). But, I'm not going to focus on it. I'm trying soo hard not to be mad. I need to just avoid Robert Sr. at all cost. No matter what I say or do, I just see red whenever I talk or receive a letter from him. And I hate to be mad at anyone...I'm not very good at it. I was, for the most part, always the person to befriend everyone. But, that also came with some not nice characteristics and not so nice people. You live and learn.
Okay, so...why do I bother even talking to Robert? Why did I even answer the phone? I don't know. The first time, I actually hung up intentionally. But, just like him, he called back. And even after I cursed him out, he called back again. I'm just going to do like I said, and avoid him at all cost. It shouldn't be hard...he IS in jail, after all. He's not coming out anytime soon, that is, if he does come out to US soil, anyways. Doesn't matter-even if he's released, we'll be gone by that time. He doesn't deserve to be in the babies lives.
Okay, from now on, I'm not even going to talk to him. I'm not even going to mention him anymore.At all! He doesn't exist. Period.
Well, I'm getting off track...the rain. yes, the rain. Ugh,the rain. We have to stay in. IT's windy and rainy and I'm not eating. I just don't feel like eating,does that make any sense? I thought I was always hungry. But, really, I'm not. I'm not stressed(even about the dissappointing men in my life), I'm just...not hungry. I dunno. I'm not going to dwell on it.
Well, I guess I'd better go. I really don't have anything else to say.
Mama J
Friday, March 12, 2010
Men-the Big dissapointment
okay, so today, I got slapped with not one, not two, but three men dissappointing me and my babies.
First off, Salvador called me and canceled. I wasn't too upset about that, the kids were,though. I tried to not be dissappointed myself, but it was hard. At least Lorenzo is coming, I thought.
Then, Lorenzo pulls a no-show. My kids are crushed, and I'm pissed because, naturally, I hate seeing my kids dissapointed. He didn't even bother to call! Bastard.
Finally, the mack daddy of them all- Robert sr. calls from prision. Ugh. What a wonderful way to end a night! I had to tell him, I pray, once and for all that I don't want him in the childrne's lives. I don't want him around,period. I ended the call saying to him, "Don't call, Don't write, and just go the fuck home!"
It hurts to see that I can not even rely on my male friends-the ones i didn't even sleep with- to come through for me and the kids. I wasn't expecting much-just company. Did I commit some awful sin that I don't even deserve that?
This hurts, this really hurts. But, as always, I am reminded- I can trust no man. I can only trust God. Just when I think maybe there is a chance for me to live a semi-normal life, *bam!* I'm slapped in the face by reality. I'm not meant to live the life of a 24-yr. Old. I'm not meant to have friends over,get crazy drunk and chill until one or two in the morning. That's not for me. Instead, I'm meant to be a mother, a wife, a woman of God. I'm not saying that's a bad thing- I love doing each of these God-appointed callings with all my heart. But, don't I ever get a chance to be...normal? I hear all the time of my friends who are moms,getting the chance to party, go to a club every now and again, and get drunk or high. Their childless friends come over, and they seem to have a grand old time. And I'm always the bipolar opposite- I have to have my kids 24/7, no one even asks to babysit my kids(even though I can't recount how many times I've done it for others,without even blinking an eye), I don't get to go out, I don't get to have a tiny piece of "me time"(I don't even know what I'd do if I did!). I just can't live that life, not even for a little while, even temporary. It's not as though I don't want to- the majority of me is completely content with what I have, and what I want to happen soon. But a small inclining of me just wants a small piece of that, of that balance between being seen as a "suzi homemaker" mom and just being "jenn". If only for a little while, but I'm not even entittled to that.
Oh,well. It was fun while it lasted. Even if it was just a day. I guess I should count my blessing while I had them. Thank you, God, for tha small piece of normalacy. Even if it was short lived, thank you for that one chance at it.
I'd better go. I'm really pissed, mostly from talking to Robert sr.
It just reminds me of how grateful I am to be leaving this area in June.
I'd better go .
Mama J
First off, Salvador called me and canceled. I wasn't too upset about that, the kids were,though. I tried to not be dissappointed myself, but it was hard. At least Lorenzo is coming, I thought.
Then, Lorenzo pulls a no-show. My kids are crushed, and I'm pissed because, naturally, I hate seeing my kids dissapointed. He didn't even bother to call! Bastard.
Finally, the mack daddy of them all- Robert sr. calls from prision. Ugh. What a wonderful way to end a night! I had to tell him, I pray, once and for all that I don't want him in the childrne's lives. I don't want him around,period. I ended the call saying to him, "Don't call, Don't write, and just go the fuck home!"
It hurts to see that I can not even rely on my male friends-the ones i didn't even sleep with- to come through for me and the kids. I wasn't expecting much-just company. Did I commit some awful sin that I don't even deserve that?
This hurts, this really hurts. But, as always, I am reminded- I can trust no man. I can only trust God. Just when I think maybe there is a chance for me to live a semi-normal life, *bam!* I'm slapped in the face by reality. I'm not meant to live the life of a 24-yr. Old. I'm not meant to have friends over,get crazy drunk and chill until one or two in the morning. That's not for me. Instead, I'm meant to be a mother, a wife, a woman of God. I'm not saying that's a bad thing- I love doing each of these God-appointed callings with all my heart. But, don't I ever get a chance to be...normal? I hear all the time of my friends who are moms,getting the chance to party, go to a club every now and again, and get drunk or high. Their childless friends come over, and they seem to have a grand old time. And I'm always the bipolar opposite- I have to have my kids 24/7, no one even asks to babysit my kids(even though I can't recount how many times I've done it for others,without even blinking an eye), I don't get to go out, I don't get to have a tiny piece of "me time"(I don't even know what I'd do if I did!). I just can't live that life, not even for a little while, even temporary. It's not as though I don't want to- the majority of me is completely content with what I have, and what I want to happen soon. But a small inclining of me just wants a small piece of that, of that balance between being seen as a "suzi homemaker" mom and just being "jenn". If only for a little while, but I'm not even entittled to that.
Oh,well. It was fun while it lasted. Even if it was just a day. I guess I should count my blessing while I had them. Thank you, God, for tha small piece of normalacy. Even if it was short lived, thank you for that one chance at it.
I'd better go. I'm really pissed, mostly from talking to Robert sr.
It just reminds me of how grateful I am to be leaving this area in June.
I'd better go .
Mama J
i'm bored
Okay, so....I'm bored. Out of my mind. beyond reasoning. The kids are watching dora the explorer, and I'm sitting here on the computer, doing..nothing of grand importance. I'm waiting for wrestling to come on, like we do every friday.
Yesterday was..interesting. I met up with a friend from high school I haven't seen in almost 6 years. We used to poke at each other all the time, and it was the 6 years never happened. I also invited my friend, salvador, over, and it was neat. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was acting my age. I got sort of drunk, I stayed up until 1:30 am, and I had two guys at my house(okay, on e was gay, and the other...a big question mark). Regardless, it's the most non-child involved activity my house has seen in some time. And it nice. I just wished it didn't have to happen on a school night for Solstice. The kids were ticked at me when I tried to wake them up this morning.
I guess...I don't know. A part of me wants to get this, a part of wants to do this sort of stuff. But the majority knows, I've seen through family members and friends where this can lead. I don't really need to go through all this again. But I guess every once in awhile shouldn't hurt, right(?)
I'm not sleeping with anyone(for once!) and I'm really starting to enjoy being single again. Not having the drama of dealing with another little boy trying to act like he's a man's problems. Actually focusing on my kids, and meaning it. Mostly, I'm anxious to start the married life, but I know I still have kinks of my own to work out. I'm not completely rushing it. For once, I'm actually content being single. It can only be God working in my heart that did this. I couldn't of done this on my own.
So...my friend,Lorenzo, is supposed to come over tonight..actually soon. He's going to watch wrestling with us. It's nice to have a male friend that I haven't slept with, you know(how slutty does that sound?!?) that isn't gay or already married. And just hang out,nothing expected.
Anyways, this is great. Salvador canceled on me(loser!Just Kidding! ) but, I'm not completely upset. He has his own friday night routine...i think he goes bowling, or something. Well, that's good.
But you know what? I really do enjoy my life as it's going right now. I know I still need to work on somethings, but mostly, I'm more at ease than before. Before, everything used to stress me out..everything. I know if I was the same person I was before, I'd be freaking out about what I'd think Lorenzo might expect of me by coming over. Because, whether anyone likes to admit it or not, I was a slut. It's so refreshing(really!) to admit that without feeling the need to cry my eyes out. It's also nice to meet a guy that really doesn't want to hang out with hidden motives. He's not looking, and neither am I. This is new, and it's great! I hope that until I move, we can hang out more. I really miss hanging out with people that aren't related to me, or people who talk to me mostly because I babysit their kid. I miss having single, child-free friends.
Well, it's almost time for wrestling to start. I'd better get going. I'm sure something of some kind needs to be cleaned.
I'd better go
To God be the glory!
Mama J
Yesterday was..interesting. I met up with a friend from high school I haven't seen in almost 6 years. We used to poke at each other all the time, and it was the 6 years never happened. I also invited my friend, salvador, over, and it was neat. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was acting my age. I got sort of drunk, I stayed up until 1:30 am, and I had two guys at my house(okay, on e was gay, and the other...a big question mark). Regardless, it's the most non-child involved activity my house has seen in some time. And it nice. I just wished it didn't have to happen on a school night for Solstice. The kids were ticked at me when I tried to wake them up this morning.
I guess...I don't know. A part of me wants to get this, a part of wants to do this sort of stuff. But the majority knows, I've seen through family members and friends where this can lead. I don't really need to go through all this again. But I guess every once in awhile shouldn't hurt, right(?)
I'm not sleeping with anyone(for once!) and I'm really starting to enjoy being single again. Not having the drama of dealing with another little boy trying to act like he's a man's problems. Actually focusing on my kids, and meaning it. Mostly, I'm anxious to start the married life, but I know I still have kinks of my own to work out. I'm not completely rushing it. For once, I'm actually content being single. It can only be God working in my heart that did this. I couldn't of done this on my own.
So...my friend,Lorenzo, is supposed to come over tonight..actually soon. He's going to watch wrestling with us. It's nice to have a male friend that I haven't slept with, you know(how slutty does that sound?!?) that isn't gay or already married. And just hang out,nothing expected.
Anyways, this is great. Salvador canceled on me(loser!Just Kidding! ) but, I'm not completely upset. He has his own friday night routine...i think he goes bowling, or something. Well, that's good.
But you know what? I really do enjoy my life as it's going right now. I know I still need to work on somethings, but mostly, I'm more at ease than before. Before, everything used to stress me out..everything. I know if I was the same person I was before, I'd be freaking out about what I'd think Lorenzo might expect of me by coming over. Because, whether anyone likes to admit it or not, I was a slut. It's so refreshing(really!) to admit that without feeling the need to cry my eyes out. It's also nice to meet a guy that really doesn't want to hang out with hidden motives. He's not looking, and neither am I. This is new, and it's great! I hope that until I move, we can hang out more. I really miss hanging out with people that aren't related to me, or people who talk to me mostly because I babysit their kid. I miss having single, child-free friends.
Well, it's almost time for wrestling to start. I'd better get going. I'm sure something of some kind needs to be cleaned.
I'd better go
To God be the glory!
Mama J
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
seeing what's ahead and not behind
okay, so I just read a message,or devotionsal of sorts, about how,despite our current situation, if we focus on what's ahead, then we will become stronger in God.
So, my mind jumped into visions of what I want my soon-to-future to look like. I thought I would record them here, so that during times that satan throws an obstacle in my face, I'll know it's just him trying to make me lose sight of what God has in store. By putting it here, I'll remember-which is something i all too often forget in times of crisis.
First off, God wants me to go to White Bird, Idaho. I don't know why, exactly, and I don't care. It's a very tiny town, but it looks like one where people really help eachother out. It's a farm town, and it looks just lovely.
I'm going to own the home that's on 202 Center Canyon Road, white Bird, Idaho 83554. That is MY home, that is MY LAND, because God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. He wants me to have that land, because, that's the land I will use to farm, to re-build into the duggar model home, and to get married and adopt/birth lots of children in.
God wants me to finish college. He doesn't want me to be a drop-out in college-He wants me to succeed! He wants me to get my degree in Communications. He wants me to write a magazine for teenagers- and it will be called CT(Christian Teen) magazine. I also wwant to start the cartoon "MoNa(mother Nature)" which will result in a comic/saturday morning cartoon. It's mission- to let teens know, life's tough, you may make mistakes, but God is on you side. Your faith is an everyday process, and progress in Christ takes time. No one is perfect. But we can all strive for it in Christ Jesus!
God has my husband somewhere in Idaho. The husband who is puts God first, loves his family with all his heart, and works hard to ensure the greater good for his family, and community at large.
God wants me to have my inheritance of Children. He wants to bless me with children from my womb(He WILL provide the money needed to untie my tubes!), and from adoption as well. He does not want my womb to be barren, he has blessed me with 3 children to prepare me for the many more he is planning to bless me with. "Children are an inheritance of the Lord.."
God is going to bless our home and farm. Our farm will be rich in fruits and vegetables, our animals will be fruitful and multiply,and the land will prosper. We will sell a large portion of the produce, and use this as a valuable lesson in buisness for the children.
God wants my children to be homeschooled. "teach a child in the ways he or she should go, and he or she will keep them all the days of their life..". God doesn't want my children to be exposed to the public school system. God wants them to thrive where they should be the most comfortable doing so-in the home.
God is going to bless our finances. He doesn't want us to stay in debt, He told us to "owe nothing to man but love". No debt there. No I.O.U's there. God wants to bless us with the finances needed to meet our basic needs, and more. He doesn't want the devil to have a foothold here- God wants me to fully trust in to meet all my family's needs. He doesn't want us to be poor.
God lovingly will provide us the 2009 white chevy suburban. Not for us to show off, but simply so that we may have a car to get us where we need to go. Also, so that we can help people to get to church that don't have a car, or don't want to drive alone.
God doesn't want to do our family bad. He wants to bless us, and bless us with all this, and more. He wants to bless us with al His heart. If you think or hear from someone something that goes against all these things, they are from satan. Rebuke them sternly.
You and your family are not meant to live in poverty. You are not "poor Jenny", that always needs help. You were God-appointed to be a SAHM. You do not need a job, God willopen the door to a grand-generating income in His time. He wants you to do melaleuca, and more. Your kids are believing, and so are you. "I can do ALL THINGS(not some things, not limited things) throught Christ who strengthens me!" If someone trys to tell you otherwise, stop talking to them. If you think anything contray to this, rebuke it ASAP! God has great plans for you. No economy, no person in heaven or elsewhere, is going to stop God. God is going to bless the Johnson Family! We are going to give God the greatest of praise and glory in the year of 2010!
Now, what are you doing to ensure you're in the spot needed to receive this? God can't do this alone- you have to meet Him and he will meet you! Amen? get going! MEET WITH GOD. Do something!
So, my mind jumped into visions of what I want my soon-to-future to look like. I thought I would record them here, so that during times that satan throws an obstacle in my face, I'll know it's just him trying to make me lose sight of what God has in store. By putting it here, I'll remember-which is something i all too often forget in times of crisis.
First off, God wants me to go to White Bird, Idaho. I don't know why, exactly, and I don't care. It's a very tiny town, but it looks like one where people really help eachother out. It's a farm town, and it looks just lovely.
I'm going to own the home that's on 202 Center Canyon Road, white Bird, Idaho 83554. That is MY home, that is MY LAND, because God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. He wants me to have that land, because, that's the land I will use to farm, to re-build into the duggar model home, and to get married and adopt/birth lots of children in.
God wants me to finish college. He doesn't want me to be a drop-out in college-He wants me to succeed! He wants me to get my degree in Communications. He wants me to write a magazine for teenagers- and it will be called CT(Christian Teen) magazine. I also wwant to start the cartoon "MoNa(mother Nature)" which will result in a comic/saturday morning cartoon. It's mission- to let teens know, life's tough, you may make mistakes, but God is on you side. Your faith is an everyday process, and progress in Christ takes time. No one is perfect. But we can all strive for it in Christ Jesus!
God has my husband somewhere in Idaho. The husband who is puts God first, loves his family with all his heart, and works hard to ensure the greater good for his family, and community at large.
God wants me to have my inheritance of Children. He wants to bless me with children from my womb(He WILL provide the money needed to untie my tubes!), and from adoption as well. He does not want my womb to be barren, he has blessed me with 3 children to prepare me for the many more he is planning to bless me with. "Children are an inheritance of the Lord.."
God is going to bless our home and farm. Our farm will be rich in fruits and vegetables, our animals will be fruitful and multiply,and the land will prosper. We will sell a large portion of the produce, and use this as a valuable lesson in buisness for the children.
God wants my children to be homeschooled. "teach a child in the ways he or she should go, and he or she will keep them all the days of their life..". God doesn't want my children to be exposed to the public school system. God wants them to thrive where they should be the most comfortable doing so-in the home.
God is going to bless our finances. He doesn't want us to stay in debt, He told us to "owe nothing to man but love". No debt there. No I.O.U's there. God wants to bless us with the finances needed to meet our basic needs, and more. He doesn't want the devil to have a foothold here- God wants me to fully trust in to meet all my family's needs. He doesn't want us to be poor.
God lovingly will provide us the 2009 white chevy suburban. Not for us to show off, but simply so that we may have a car to get us where we need to go. Also, so that we can help people to get to church that don't have a car, or don't want to drive alone.
God doesn't want to do our family bad. He wants to bless us, and bless us with all this, and more. He wants to bless us with al His heart. If you think or hear from someone something that goes against all these things, they are from satan. Rebuke them sternly.
You and your family are not meant to live in poverty. You are not "poor Jenny", that always needs help. You were God-appointed to be a SAHM. You do not need a job, God willopen the door to a grand-generating income in His time. He wants you to do melaleuca, and more. Your kids are believing, and so are you. "I can do ALL THINGS(not some things, not limited things) throught Christ who strengthens me!" If someone trys to tell you otherwise, stop talking to them. If you think anything contray to this, rebuke it ASAP! God has great plans for you. No economy, no person in heaven or elsewhere, is going to stop God. God is going to bless the Johnson Family! We are going to give God the greatest of praise and glory in the year of 2010!
Now, what are you doing to ensure you're in the spot needed to receive this? God can't do this alone- you have to meet Him and he will meet you! Amen? get going! MEET WITH GOD. Do something!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
having...faith...?
okay, so despite the fact that I'm trying my best NOT to freak out about all that is going on around me..(my rent needs to be paid, we're running out of food), I'm looking into the overall cost of building a home. *gulp*
Trying to have faith that if God called me to go to Idaho, HE knows my heart. I don't want to go there, only to be in the same situation I'm in now. Because, well, what's the point in that? What's the point of moving to Idaho, only to have to obtain subsidized housing and live off the government via foodstamps and cash assistance? I want more to life than this, and I'm trying to have the faith that says that God will move me well past these obstacles, and more...towards better, before I move to IDaho. Becuase, after all, God can do all things, amen? I"m trying!
I'm trying to believe that somehow, through God's grace, we will pay off the rent, and give the landlord a total of $1000.00. I'm having faith, that, somehow, the financial aid will get pulled through today(even though I've said that for two weeks now) and I'll be closer to obtaining more food for the family, and using whatever is left to pay the debt. I'm trying to have the faith that, I told this friend of mine(lydia) that I was moving despite the fact that nothing is in place to ensure that, and ,hey, she can come along for the ride(because she wants to move to IDaho, too). Even though I haven't a clue as to how I'm getting there, much less where we'll live...I"m having faith that God will supply all this,a nd more, somehow. Because, if God can bless people as the wonderful ministers on Tv say He can, then I', going to believe. They have the Bible verses to support it, I just have to memorize them, say them in my heart, make the plans, and believe. In the Name of Jesus, this is all already mine! I receive it! I will not give into doubt of my God! I will not believe that GOd called me out of PA only to grant me the same scenario in Idaho..my God has good in store for me, not bad! *sigh* having faith to move these moutains. The mountains of debt, the moutains of poverty, the mountains of denial...I'm praying to God He will give me the faith, the wisdom, the faith, to have all these things take place. In Jesus name!
Okay, I'm going to go now. Everything in God's time, not mine. Everything in God's Glorious time. *sigh*
I'd better go.
I pray that by the end of this week, I will have some physical proof to back up the things I see in my spirit.
Trying to have faith that if God called me to go to Idaho, HE knows my heart. I don't want to go there, only to be in the same situation I'm in now. Because, well, what's the point in that? What's the point of moving to Idaho, only to have to obtain subsidized housing and live off the government via foodstamps and cash assistance? I want more to life than this, and I'm trying to have the faith that says that God will move me well past these obstacles, and more...towards better, before I move to IDaho. Becuase, after all, God can do all things, amen? I"m trying!
I'm trying to believe that somehow, through God's grace, we will pay off the rent, and give the landlord a total of $1000.00. I'm having faith, that, somehow, the financial aid will get pulled through today(even though I've said that for two weeks now) and I'll be closer to obtaining more food for the family, and using whatever is left to pay the debt. I'm trying to have the faith that, I told this friend of mine(lydia) that I was moving despite the fact that nothing is in place to ensure that, and ,hey, she can come along for the ride(because she wants to move to IDaho, too). Even though I haven't a clue as to how I'm getting there, much less where we'll live...I"m having faith that God will supply all this,a nd more, somehow. Because, if God can bless people as the wonderful ministers on Tv say He can, then I', going to believe. They have the Bible verses to support it, I just have to memorize them, say them in my heart, make the plans, and believe. In the Name of Jesus, this is all already mine! I receive it! I will not give into doubt of my God! I will not believe that GOd called me out of PA only to grant me the same scenario in Idaho..my God has good in store for me, not bad! *sigh* having faith to move these moutains. The mountains of debt, the moutains of poverty, the mountains of denial...I'm praying to God He will give me the faith, the wisdom, the faith, to have all these things take place. In Jesus name!
Okay, I'm going to go now. Everything in God's time, not mine. Everything in God's Glorious time. *sigh*
I'd better go.
I pray that by the end of this week, I will have some physical proof to back up the things I see in my spirit.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)