PRAISE GOD!!!!
I'm sooooo thankful right now! THANK YOU GOD!!!
I was getting ready to...get ready for an interview. I decided to go to career link to make my hours, and my ec(employment counselor) said, "the boss just said that your car insurance payment request was approved...you need to stick around so that they can get some signatures off ya." WOW!!!! After almost amonth of praying and waiting, it's been approved!!!Now I can start my job at Supportive Concepts!!!
So, then I'm driving home, and thinking/talking to God. For some reason, I thought to ask, "Do you really hear me,God? I mean, you want Robert and I to be together,right?" and I heard a small voice say, "yes". "Will he be home before I expected?" I asked. I really meant to say, "will he be home afterI expected?" but i still felt a small voice say,"yes.". I thought it was,as always, just my mind telling me what i want to hear. So, I get home, and I have an answe machine message. It's from Robert. He said the usual, 'I was trying to call,etc.' but then, " I have some good news and bad news." uh-oh..."The good news is that they are releasing me sometime next week." I started crying. "The bad news is, that I will have to wear and ankle braclet, and I need to speak with my probation officer about where I will be staying...immigration has your address, but the officer doesnot. I have to call him to get it confirmed, but I'm guessing that I should be out no later than Friday." Oh, PRAISE GOD!!!! THANK YOU,JESUS!!!!
I was trying to get ready for an interview, but I couldn't stop praising God the entire time. My future husband will be home, sooner than I asked!!!My children will finally know their father, and we can finally praise God as a family!!!!!!!!!!! God does answer prayers!!!It's a miracle! I just can't believe it! I can't stop praising GOd for it,either. It was thru his grace that this happened!! I just can't believe it! After a year and a half of waiting, almost abandoning him, and feeling so alone, God has blessed me with my future husband! God is awesome!!!
Now, I pray, that this will all go according to what he said, and that he'll be home this friday.
Oh....crap. Now I have to tell Jose.
I'm not sure how to go about this. We talked today, and he said that he'd be out in three weeks. He actually agreed to leave in three weeks. I forgot about that. I was praisin God then,too. Because I thougt I'd never get him to leave. But now I have to tell him that he has to be out by next week. He's getting paid next week, but I just feel he's gonna be mad about all this. Oh,please,Lord, let him be okay about this, and soften his heart so that he can accept it without getting angry or breaking something,or calling me bad names.
I just cannot believe that God answered my prayer about this,finally. It was inhis time,after all, and not my own. Thank you,God for loving me even when I don't deserve it. Thank you God for blessing me even when I can't return it. Thank you Lord for giving me a life of eternity. And thank you Lord for being there when I felt so alone. Thank you God! Thank youGod! Glory to his name! Thank youGod!!
PRAISE BE TO OUR GOD!!!
I'd better stop,or else I'm going to start crying again.....
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Feeling a little bit more positive
Today, I was all set out to write this, how crappy is my life blog. All day, depression was settling into my head. All I could think about was- the father to my children is getting deported(what the hell do I do?), I need some money comming in ASAP, and jose really needs to start thinking about moving out. Oh, and am I really doing the right thing going to church and pretending everything is okay, when all I want to do is cry inside?
But, I got home, feeling crappy, and then I decided to eat some cake frosting(always good) and search for jobs online(also good). I wrote the letter to send to congressmen for Robert(also good) and handed in a doctor's card so that the daycare couldn't kick me out because I didn't give them documentation saying that I care about my kids enough to take them to the doctor(I DO!!) .
Well, I started to fill out applications, and prayed as I typed up each one. Guess what? Sears decided to give me an interview! Yah! I'm not sure if they do that with everyone, but it put me in a better mood! THANK YOU,GOD!!
So, I'm praying that I get the job, because I really do need some promise of money coming in soon.
I don't know what exactly to do about Robert Sr. I'm going to mail oout a letter to him and the letter to the congressmen tommorrow. So, right now that's all I can do for him, and I have to be content with that.Despite the fact that I want to do more.
Jose-well, I feel strongly that he's not really good for me, but I'll just let him know how I feel. I'll try to get his opinion, and take it from there. I need someone who's going to be there for me and my children. I need someone to be a man and a father that my children need. In other words, I need Robert. Jose isn't willing toget married, which is his problem,and soon going to be his loss.
My internet will probably be turned off tommorrow. My cell phone is already turned off. My home phone will be turned off,too. But that's okay, because God has brought us through worse, and He'll bring us through again. I just need to have faith that God will provide me a good job, bring my future husband back to us soon, and allow both of us to be the Godly people he intended us to be.
Oh,please,Lord let this be so. Please?
Well, I'm still feeling a bit more positive.
But, I got home, feeling crappy, and then I decided to eat some cake frosting(always good) and search for jobs online(also good). I wrote the letter to send to congressmen for Robert(also good) and handed in a doctor's card so that the daycare couldn't kick me out because I didn't give them documentation saying that I care about my kids enough to take them to the doctor(I DO!!) .
Well, I started to fill out applications, and prayed as I typed up each one. Guess what? Sears decided to give me an interview! Yah! I'm not sure if they do that with everyone, but it put me in a better mood! THANK YOU,GOD!!
So, I'm praying that I get the job, because I really do need some promise of money coming in soon.
I don't know what exactly to do about Robert Sr. I'm going to mail oout a letter to him and the letter to the congressmen tommorrow. So, right now that's all I can do for him, and I have to be content with that.Despite the fact that I want to do more.
Jose-well, I feel strongly that he's not really good for me, but I'll just let him know how I feel. I'll try to get his opinion, and take it from there. I need someone who's going to be there for me and my children. I need someone to be a man and a father that my children need. In other words, I need Robert. Jose isn't willing toget married, which is his problem,and soon going to be his loss.
My internet will probably be turned off tommorrow. My cell phone is already turned off. My home phone will be turned off,too. But that's okay, because God has brought us through worse, and He'll bring us through again. I just need to have faith that God will provide me a good job, bring my future husband back to us soon, and allow both of us to be the Godly people he intended us to be.
Oh,please,Lord let this be so. Please?
Well, I'm still feeling a bit more positive.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Adoption...?
Okay, fo the record, I'm not adopted. My craziness is due to my own birthfamily. DNA...and all that jazz.
NO, that's not why I'm really writing this. For some reason, I can't help but think that I want more kids. It seems as though everywhere I turn(on my radio dial,that is) all I hear about is adoption. How Christian families are doing it, how they are loving it, how it helped the family extend without having to extend the mama's stretch marks(Amen!).
I want more kids, and it seems as though the need for his keeps growing stronger the more Ilisten to Chritian radio. Either God is trying to tell me something, or I need to stop listening to Christian Radio.
I've invisioned myself having more chidren. Being a stay-at-home mom, having 10+kids(whether by birth or adoption), having a loving,God-fearing husband who wants nothing mor for me than to stay at home and educate our children, all while taking care of the house and taking some college courses for fun.
Well, three kids, a (possibly)deported fiance and a boyfriend who is too into himself to think much about starting a family(or even marriage), a tubal litigation, and me wondering if I'll ever even finish a sentence,much less a degree-later, I all of a sudden want more children.
What is wrong with me? I'm not sure. I feel like I'm not being the mom I know I can be due to financial restrains, and support to the three children I already have. Having more children just wasn't an apotion for me two years ago, after having my third child and wondering what the hell I was getting myself into. My fiance was arrested, and we knew he was facing deportation. He wasn't a completely honest man to me, but I imagined for so long that it was him that was going to help me reach my dream. He was Catholic, but that could be easily changed. I had everything for us planned to the very smallest detail. And it looks as though God has pulled him back to his native country. Go figure.
I'm no here to grip about who failed at making my dreams come completely true. As the saying from a a cheerleader movie goes- "You can point the finger, but you'll have thee more pointing back at you". Here ye, here ye.
It's just...I don't know. I'm really not at a place myself to have more children. I need to get my finances in order, finish college to at least get a Bach.'s, and move somewhere bigger. But then again, these things are needed for the children I already bought into the world. *SIGH*
But, I've always loved children, in large groups. I love the big family setting, the structure that the mother has over their schooling, the way she glows with a deep love for her children, and the fact that she cannot be more happy than being surrounded by her childen, all day, everyday.
The great need for her, her deep faith in God.
I want more children, I want mor sooo bad. I feel God has put this on my heart for a reason. Mostly because He knows I can't have then until I become this woman that I desire to be-even if the strong, God-fearing husband isn't by my side. I want to show my children the love and encouragement they deserve, the mother that they need. Is that so wrong?
I just did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked into what it takes to be an adoptive parent. *TEAR AT MY HEART GOD, WHY DON'T YOU???*
I used to say that God hs really blessed me with 10 children- my own(3), my sisters(5) and my aunt's(2). But, because I'm looking for full-time work, and working mostly on the weekends at this point, I haven't been in touch with them like I should be. I haven't held a good old fashioned sleepover in such a long time, it hurts me. I know that unless something changes in me, it's just going to be a longing in my heart that won't really happen.
I know I'm just not at a place to have more children, at least not for the next couple of years. Unless, of course I meet the man of my dreams, become rich, and buy my own house(yeah,right-not happening anytime soon!) .
It pains me to be in this spot of help so young, when I should be starting this instead of going backwards to get close enough to thinking about it.
Regardless, I just can't have kids right now. As much as I would like to, I can't.
Thank God that I have my three,beautiful, energetic children. Healthy and taking up most of my time. Making me strive to be a better woman. Strving to be a more Chirst-like example. Trying to be the best mom I can be, despite my circumstances.
Thank God For my three little Angels from Above.
Mama J
NO, that's not why I'm really writing this. For some reason, I can't help but think that I want more kids. It seems as though everywhere I turn(on my radio dial,that is) all I hear about is adoption. How Christian families are doing it, how they are loving it, how it helped the family extend without having to extend the mama's stretch marks(Amen!).
I want more kids, and it seems as though the need for his keeps growing stronger the more Ilisten to Chritian radio. Either God is trying to tell me something, or I need to stop listening to Christian Radio.
I've invisioned myself having more chidren. Being a stay-at-home mom, having 10+kids(whether by birth or adoption), having a loving,God-fearing husband who wants nothing mor for me than to stay at home and educate our children, all while taking care of the house and taking some college courses for fun.
Well, three kids, a (possibly)deported fiance and a boyfriend who is too into himself to think much about starting a family(or even marriage), a tubal litigation, and me wondering if I'll ever even finish a sentence,much less a degree-later, I all of a sudden want more children.
What is wrong with me? I'm not sure. I feel like I'm not being the mom I know I can be due to financial restrains, and support to the three children I already have. Having more children just wasn't an apotion for me two years ago, after having my third child and wondering what the hell I was getting myself into. My fiance was arrested, and we knew he was facing deportation. He wasn't a completely honest man to me, but I imagined for so long that it was him that was going to help me reach my dream. He was Catholic, but that could be easily changed. I had everything for us planned to the very smallest detail. And it looks as though God has pulled him back to his native country. Go figure.
I'm no here to grip about who failed at making my dreams come completely true. As the saying from a a cheerleader movie goes- "You can point the finger, but you'll have thee more pointing back at you". Here ye, here ye.
It's just...I don't know. I'm really not at a place myself to have more children. I need to get my finances in order, finish college to at least get a Bach.'s, and move somewhere bigger. But then again, these things are needed for the children I already bought into the world. *SIGH*
But, I've always loved children, in large groups. I love the big family setting, the structure that the mother has over their schooling, the way she glows with a deep love for her children, and the fact that she cannot be more happy than being surrounded by her childen, all day, everyday.
The great need for her, her deep faith in God.
I want more children, I want mor sooo bad. I feel God has put this on my heart for a reason. Mostly because He knows I can't have then until I become this woman that I desire to be-even if the strong, God-fearing husband isn't by my side. I want to show my children the love and encouragement they deserve, the mother that they need. Is that so wrong?
I just did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked into what it takes to be an adoptive parent. *TEAR AT MY HEART GOD, WHY DON'T YOU???*
I used to say that God hs really blessed me with 10 children- my own(3), my sisters(5) and my aunt's(2). But, because I'm looking for full-time work, and working mostly on the weekends at this point, I haven't been in touch with them like I should be. I haven't held a good old fashioned sleepover in such a long time, it hurts me. I know that unless something changes in me, it's just going to be a longing in my heart that won't really happen.
I know I'm just not at a place to have more children, at least not for the next couple of years. Unless, of course I meet the man of my dreams, become rich, and buy my own house(yeah,right-not happening anytime soon!) .
It pains me to be in this spot of help so young, when I should be starting this instead of going backwards to get close enough to thinking about it.
Regardless, I just can't have kids right now. As much as I would like to, I can't.
Thank God that I have my three,beautiful, energetic children. Healthy and taking up most of my time. Making me strive to be a better woman. Strving to be a more Chirst-like example. Trying to be the best mom I can be, despite my circumstances.
Thank God For my three little Angels from Above.
Mama J
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