Men-the Big dissapointment

okay, so today, I got slapped with not one, not two, but three men dissappointing me and my babies.
First off, Salvador called me and canceled. I wasn't too upset about that, the kids were,though. I tried to not be dissappointed myself, but it was hard. At least Lorenzo is coming, I thought.
Then, Lorenzo pulls a no-show. My kids are crushed, and I'm pissed because, naturally, I hate seeing my kids dissapointed. He didn't even bother to call! Bastard.
Finally, the mack daddy of them all- Robert sr. calls from prision. Ugh. What a wonderful way to end a night! I had to tell him, I pray, once and for all that I don't want him in the childrne's lives. I don't want him around,period. I ended the call saying to him, "Don't call, Don't write, and just go the fuck home!"
It hurts to see that I can not even rely on my male friends-the ones i didn't even sleep with- to come through for me and the kids. I wasn't expecting much-just company. Did I commit some awful sin that I don't even deserve that?
This hurts, this really hurts. But, as always, I am reminded- I can trust no man. I can only trust God. Just when I think maybe there is a chance for me to live a semi-normal life, *bam!* I'm slapped in the face by reality. I'm not meant to live the life of a 24-yr. Old. I'm not meant to have friends over,get crazy drunk and chill until one or two in the morning. That's not for me. Instead, I'm meant to be a mother, a wife, a woman of God. I'm not saying that's a bad thing- I love doing each of these God-appointed callings with all my heart. But, don't I ever get a chance to be...normal? I hear all the time of my friends who are moms,getting the chance to party, go to a club every now and again, and get drunk or high. Their childless friends come over, and they seem to have a grand old time. And I'm always the bipolar opposite- I have to have my kids 24/7, no one even asks to babysit my kids(even though I can't recount how many times I've done it for others,without even blinking an eye), I don't get to go out, I don't get to have a tiny piece of "me time"(I don't even know what I'd do if I did!). I just can't live that life, not even for a little while, even temporary. It's not as though I don't want to- the majority of me is completely content with what I have, and what I want to happen soon. But a small inclining of me just wants a small piece of that, of that balance between being seen as a "suzi homemaker" mom and just being "jenn". If only for a little while, but I'm not even entittled to that.
Oh,well. It was fun while it lasted. Even if it was just a day. I guess I should count my blessing while I had them. Thank you, God, for tha small piece of normalacy. Even if it was short lived, thank you for that one chance at it.
I'd better go. I'm really pissed, mostly from talking to Robert sr.
It just reminds me of how grateful I am to be leaving this area in June.
I'd better go .
Mama J