Alternative plans

Well, since it's april 26th and I"m not sure of what God is going to do/ not going to do...And since he has yet to prove me right, and make me not look like a foll, I have to do what I would normally do in regards to planning- make alternative plans.
Okay, first off...I'm thinking I might at some point join the military. I'll have to lose weight, and I might have to find a way to do so with my children, but..I'm thinking about this. I'm waiting for the army and the marines,etc. to contact me to answer my questions. I'll keep you updated once I hear something.
Second, I might have to sell everything I have so that I can just take a bus to Idaho. I"m not sure of what's to come, but, it's almost may, and I'm panicking. I don't want to, but I really thought I would've received something from God by now. Something to confirm my move, something physical...like financial aid money, a contest win..something!! But since I heard nothing, I'm not sure of what exactly to do. If worse comes to worse, I may have to try and sell everything, and what I can't sell...I'll just have to leave behind. It breaks my heart to think this way, but I told these kids God would make a way...it's not june yet, but I can't wait any longer.
If I get the financial aid money, then I'll just have to use the money to move. Whatever happens after that...is a big question mark. I'll probably have to find a job and put the kids in daycare, but I just don't know yet.
Third, and final resort, I might have to find a way to vegas, and...*shudders to think*...I might have to attempt and join the bunny ranch, or some other brothrel, and do prostitution until I earn the money to...pay for a house, and what not. If this option is the only thing left for me to, I'll have to do it for the entire summer to earn the money. I'm praying God won't let that happen...I'm praying he just gives me a million dollars, and will be done with it.
If I have to work, actually take a job and all that, and put the kids in daycare..I will need therapy. I don't want to put them in daycare..again!! I don't my kids in public school, I don't want my kids learning bad habits and all that...I want to home school them, be there for them at all times(which, I won't be able to do if I get a job),.....I want to be there, homeschooling my kids, taking them to dance and karate,sports and all that. Have time to make everything from scratch9food wise), and take care of my home. But I also need a million dollars to do this. A million dollars would cover the cost of the land i want, the cars i want, putting money away for the children to go to college, etc.
Well, I had to record all this before I forget. And if I do have to work a normal job and put the kdis in childcare, I will probably have to work 2 jobs, because I won't be able to afford all this on my own...a home, food,daycare,etc.!!
Maybe the military will just take me as I am. Maybe they will just say to me, lose some weight, we'll take you with the kids once you lose the weight...I'd be okay with that. I like to be a big girl, but...if need be, I'd rather try and lose weight in order to get into something that would give me and the kids better oppertunities, than have to...sell my body...*shudder*...
We'll see. I'm tired as heck. I'd better go and check my e-mail...
I'll write as soon as the recruiters call me, which will probably be real soon.